Uncomfortable

I’m autistic (and ADHD). Just thought I’d get that out in the open. I’ve only known this since my mid 30s and well into motherhood. It’s not something I talk about to people in general. Not because it’s a secret, it just doesn’t really come up. But it is who I am and how I experience life.

I didn’t come to write about autism, or my discovery of it. That’s a story for another day.

I do want to talk about emotions.

And just how uncomfortable they can be.

Many neurodivergent people tend to feel their emotions more deeply, overthink situations (especially social interactions), and deal with RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder). All of this leads to getting stuck with uncomfortable emotions.

When you are deep in the feels all you want is it to end, because sitting in it is uncomfortable.

You want to fix it, to make it stop when it feels out of control. Anything for relief. When you feel all the feels intensely, especially the negative ones, all you want is that break. You crave it so badly that you are willing to do anything to get that relief.

This is when you might do things your logical mind wouldn’t dream of, because you know it’s not productive or helpful to anyone. But that craving to make it all stop is strong.  

For most things in life I function, I just have my quirks. However, the thing that I do struggle with, and it became worse after becoming a mother, is emotional regulation. My emotional chart reaches from one extreme to the other and everything in between.

I experience emotional depth with intensity in almost every situation. It’s amazing to be able to experience such joy. However, it’s the same on the negative side. When I’m sad, I feel it all.

It can become almost impossible to cope in daily life when you are feeling something so strongly. I know from experience it won’t last, but when I’m in the deep end it feels like I’m drowning.

You need to be stronger than your mind and force yourself to do things that will ultimately help.

It doesn’t mean you need to go from the deepest sadness to fully better. You just need to do enough, something simple, to get you started. Once you feel slightly better it’s easier to take back control and lead yourself out of the awful feelings.

Start with things to get you distracted. 

Don’t do things that require you to make decisions. It’s really tough to get a sad mind to make decisions. Just start doing simple activities.

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Things I do to ease my mind:

Get busy: anything really, busy work

Shower: Sometimes the heat feels comforting, and being clean is a mood boost

Exercise: Just start moving, even if it’s slow. Repetitive movement is great

Talk to friends: (be careful not to dump on them, if you fear that then avoid this one) But a friend you can have a basic social interaction with could be mood lifting

Go for a walk/hike: Being outside, plus exercise is amazing

Clean the house: Productive, movement, and mindless

Focus on a project: Something you have wanted to do maybe, bring a little joy

Write it all out: If you can’t stop dwelling on it, writing can help.

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Get your brain a little dopamine so you can get back in control.

The brain is wired to protect you. One that has been hurt many times in the past will remember that pattern. It will try to protect you from the worst pain again, by telling you worst case scenarios. This triggers’ extreme feelings of loss, betrayal, and grief. And the more you feed these emotions the deeper into the abyss you fall. And the farther from reality you become.

Trick your brain away from dwelling.

Next time things seem impossible to cope and you just can’t handle any more heaviness remember you need to kick your emotions out of the driver’s seat and get back to leading.