Intuition

I wrote a whole piece all about intuition.

And I hated it.

It didn’t flow, I couldn’t get it just right, and something in the back of my mind (my intuition, no less) was telling me this isn’t it. I had made some good points, but it wasn’t compelling me to keep moving forward. I sat in front of it for two weeks, trying to force it to work.

What I was doing was trying to logic my way through it, instead of listening to the very thing I was writing about, intuition.

When I follow my instincts and my intuition things just flow, because they feel right. I’ve been trying to use my intuition to my advantage in so many aspects of my life now. When I tune in and really listen to my inner mind it is much better at aligning me with what I really want. When I try to reason my way through decisions, it gets messy, there are so many components to think about, other people to think about, and outside pressures. It’s a whole jumble of external factors to consider, when the solution was already in my mind without even having to think about it.

I am a planner by nature, and make my decisions based on logic. Everything I come up with is well thought out with an end goal. That’s how I approach life most of the time. When I allowed myself to tap into my intuition and follow an impulse, I started to notice the magic happen. I was more creative, things would flow well, and the outcome would be more aligned with how I imagined it in my mind. Even if it didn’t turn out perfectly, I was still far happier with the results.

My logical brain often gets in the way of my creativity. The thinking mind loves to understand before making any decisions. It is filled with what ifs, self-doubt, and the compulsion to make things perfect, when all along my mind already knew what I wanted. I just wasn’t listening.

What if we trusted our intuition and gave it more of our attention?

Listening to your intuition is a skill anyone can hone. You just need to focus on that feeling and let the noise of your thinking brain tune out. Often your intuition will give you your answer right away, by making you feel good or bad about your choices. That is the very response you need to give your attention to and understand why you are leaning towards or away from a decision.

Your intuition is an amazing resource, and the more you tune in and listen, the more aligned with what you really want you can become.

When you start to second guess your choices and feeling like you made a mistake, that’s your intuition telling you, “I told you so, but you weren’t listening.”

How do you listen more closely to your own intuition?

• The first response you have is often the direction you want to go. Listen to that!  Before reason, logic, and other factors come to mind sabotaging that choice.

• Follow the path that makes your nervous system feel safe, and makes you feel calm, like it’s just right.

• Know the difference between having natural anxiety and nervousness about doing something new versus true rejection from your mind and body against a plan. Even if you feel anxious about a decision you should still feel some excitement when it’s aligned with what you really want.

• Follow and be with people who encourage you to be yourself, calm your nervous system, and who make you like who you are when you are with them. No masks or dimming yourself for the sake of others.

When you lead your life this way you will feel lighter and happier with your choices. They will feel genuine. And even if something doesn’t go to plan you will overthink it less because you know deep down it was the right choice for you at that moment.

Uncomfortable

I’m autistic (and ADHD). Just thought I’d get that out in the open. I’ve only known this since my mid 30s and well into motherhood. It’s not something I talk about to people in general. Not because it’s a secret, it just doesn’t really come up. But it is who I am and how I experience life.

I didn’t come to write about autism, or my discovery of it. That’s a story for another day.

I do want to talk about emotions.

And just how uncomfortable they can be.

Many neurodivergent people tend to feel their emotions more deeply, overthink situations (especially social interactions), and deal with RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder). All of this leads to getting stuck with uncomfortable emotions.

When you are deep in the feels all you want is it to end, because sitting in it is uncomfortable.

You want to fix it, to make it stop when it feels out of control. Anything for relief. When you feel all the feels intensely, especially the negative ones, all you want is that break. You crave it so badly that you are willing to do anything to get that relief.

This is when you might do things your logical mind wouldn’t dream of, because you know it’s not productive or helpful to anyone. But that craving to make it all stop is strong.  

For most things in life I function, I just have my quirks. However, the thing that I do struggle with, and it became worse after becoming a mother, is emotional regulation. My emotional chart reaches from one extreme to the other and everything in between.

I experience emotional depth with intensity in almost every situation. It’s amazing to be able to experience such joy. However, it’s the same on the negative side. When I’m sad, I feel it all.

It can become almost impossible to cope in daily life when you are feeling something so strongly. I know from experience it won’t last, but when I’m in the deep end it feels like I’m drowning.

You need to be stronger than your mind and force yourself to do things that will ultimately help.

It doesn’t mean you need to go from the deepest sadness to fully better. You just need to do enough, something simple, to get you started. Once you feel slightly better it’s easier to take back control and lead yourself out of the awful feelings.

Start with things to get you distracted. 

Don’t do things that require you to make decisions. It’s really tough to get a sad mind to make decisions. Just start doing simple activities.

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Things I do to ease my mind:

Get busy: anything really, busy work

Shower: Sometimes the heat feels comforting, and being clean is a mood boost

Exercise: Just start moving, even if it’s slow. Repetitive movement is great

Talk to friends: (be careful not to dump on them, if you fear that then avoid this one) But a friend you can have a basic social interaction with could be mood lifting

Go for a walk/hike: Being outside, plus exercise is amazing

Clean the house: Productive, movement, and mindless

Focus on a project: Something you have wanted to do maybe, bring a little joy

Write it all out: If you can’t stop dwelling on it, writing can help.

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Get your brain a little dopamine so you can get back in control.

The brain is wired to protect you. One that has been hurt many times in the past will remember that pattern. It will try to protect you from the worst pain again, by telling you worst case scenarios. This triggers’ extreme feelings of loss, betrayal, and grief. And the more you feed these emotions the deeper into the abyss you fall. And the farther from reality you become.

Trick your brain away from dwelling.

Next time things seem impossible to cope and you just can’t handle any more heaviness remember you need to kick your emotions out of the driver’s seat and get back to leading.

January (Said with a Deep Sigh)

Why does it feel like an ending in January, when it should be a fresh start? Everything is so busy in December you would think I’d be ready for a break from it all. And my body is screaming at me to take that break. Yet, I feel a sense of loss, and an ending. Maybe always starting the new year off sick doesn’t help, but there is a sense of it all being over and done, and everyone retreats into themselves. There is a feeling of sadness and grief. I keep telling myself that this is temporary, things will get back to normal again soon. But it doesn’t make sitting in it any easier.

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It’s a tough month for many because...

• After a joyful season everything is back to normal

• Getting back on track to regular life is a tough transition

• It’s a transition. That in general is never easy

• It’s dark outside and cold

• People are all over socializing so it can feel lonely

• Less people outside can be isolating

• Lots of sickness around

• Feeling exhausted

There are many reasons why this month feels heavy, and all of them make sense. After the high of the season, comes the low of normality. It still doesn’t make it easy.

Things to remind yourself of this month

• This is normal feelings and will pass

• People will come back to socializing soon

• You don’t have to return to normal life all at once (ease into it)

• Rest is just as important as anything else you have to do

Things you can do to ease the pain

• Be extra kind to yourself as you experience this time

• Extend the season a bit by keeping the decorations up a little longer

• Go for a walk with a good friend in the snow

• Do some exercise (yoga can be amazing)

• Start on one of your goals for the year

• Clean something or organize

• Take a nap

• Watch the snow fall with a hot drink in hand

Just to share a few ideas and remind you to be kind to yourself as you transition from joyful season to winter. You can do this. And this to will pass soon enough.